I just did that thing again where a friend told me I looked like I had lost weight and I responded by worrying. Then as an explanation I talked about my body’s fierce inclination to drop to dangerously low body-fat percentages if I don’t consciously eat more than I want to every single day. As always this is the wrong thing to do because she got upset and told me that some people would kill to have that.
I don’t know what to do in these situations. When somebody compliments me for losing weight I don’t see it as a compliment and I don’t want to take it as a compliment because I feel like it’s reinforcing fatphobia, but then I always end up offending my friends. I hate that this fatphobic culture makes it nearly impossible for me to openly share my body struggles or talk about how scary it is to feel like your body can’t retain fat. I’m living in a modern city in an apartment with enough to eat and yet I feel like I’m constantly trying not to shrivel up but I have to shut up about it because the intensity of the shame that people get for being fat is so much that some really would rather be force-feeding themselves to avoid being dangerously underweight if it meant avoiding all the shame.
Female-assigned intersex kids’ vaginal canal size is also assessed by doctors, to ensure that it’s long enough to fit a penis inside of it. Doctors might surgically construct or re-construct vaginas, which can result in a host of health problems and necessitate multiple, multiple surgeries. This is especially the case since most intersex kids have these surgeries very young, and when their bodies grow into their adult forms, more surgeries are necessary to keep their vagina size in proportion. Non-surgical methods are also used to increase or maintain vaginal length by regularly using medical dildos to stretch the vagina over months and years. (It’s kind of like braces for your vagina, but much, much worse.) Just like there are no standards for how long a clitoris “can” be before it’s classified as a penis, there aren’t absolute standards as to how long a vagina is for it to be of “normal” length.
I had a dilation procedure performed for almost every exam I had with intersex doctors from the time I was 8 until I was 16, so that they could check how long my vagina was as I grew. I absolutely hated these procedures. I mean, imagine a man as old as your father or your grandfather, who you don’t know, inserting a medical dildo into you each time you saw him, knowing that you can’t question the doctor’s orders and just accept that you have to undergo these uncomfortable procedures for your health. Imagine a decade or so later, realizing that these procedures did nothing to track your health, and had everything to do with grown men feeling good about the fact that you could fuck some dude someday like a “normal girl”. That all those traumatizing procedures weren’t actually medically relevant at all, and it actually was within my right to refuse those examinations.
I didn’t know any of that at the time.
I also had no idea that I wouldn’t want to ultimately have the kind of sex they assumed I’d be having, adding yet another layer of this-was-totally-unnecessary/messed-up to my history.
Other kids shouldn’t have to go through this. Other adults shouldn’t have revelations some day far into the future that what was happening to them WASN’T okay, and their traumatic feelings ARE valid, and the whole system of how intersex people are conceptualized and “treated” IS entirely fucked.
And it’s gotta change. We’ve gotta change it."
—-Claudia at Autostraddle
I just read this article and was reminded once again how invisible the intersex community often is… we need to signal boost this shit to let people know that this kind of “medical treatment” is NOT okay.